In a huge life change, I chose to become a stay at home mother. Having spent a couple of years in this profession, as a stay at home mother, without any other friends or “support network” geographically close enough for me to spend my days with, I became a huge fan of social network sites. It truly helped me emotionally and mentally to feel as if I was getting the attention I longed for, and having people, whether personally or virtually known, to relate to me and understand me.

Prior to discovering the social networking sites, I felt lost, like I was depressed, having no one outside of my two babies and husband to pay any attention to me. In fact the only attention I felt I was getting was at the time nothing more than a multi function transformer: going from a maid who had to change in the drop of a dime to a nanny, to a jungle gym, and then to a chef who also was supposed to be a love goddess, and back to a nursing mommy (all within an hour of time!).

No where in the mix did I find or know how to create an outlet to care for myself, my emotional, mental or physical needs UNTIL I discovered various social networking sites.

But these online social sites became old fast, as I realized that although these sites provided an immediate escape from my realities, what I truly needed was friends to visit with physically – to relate to mentally and develop with personally. The real need was to create something for myself, to rebuild my personal self worth and find a local support group that would allow me to have physical, personal relationships.

I was able to find “me” again, to (re)create the life of my dreams through these social networking sites. Finding other people locally through these sites who were also interested in getting to know one another outside of the world wide web, I was able to turn what I thought was depression into what I know as a grateful life, building both a strong personal and professional networking groups.

Another instance of this is from a local Milwaukeean who has taken the aspect of online social networking of LinkedIn and created a monthly “in person” meeting where the other local Milwaukeeans participating on the LinkedIn networking site gather “live” and get to know one another. Certainly, she too has felt the need to gain personal relationships beyond those she’s built online, and been quite successful in doing so.

I do believe that everyone has the basic needs as described in both the article and response. For many, they know they have a desire to be wanted, and gain attention, they simply don’t know how. Maybe their too shy, or embarrassed, or feel incapable of meeting people “in life” but feel confident doing it online where no one is capable of seeing these weaknesses.

With enough courage, determination, education and persistence, strong communities and relationships can be and must be built to grow and sustain ourselves and communities. A good resource to start could include the social networking sites – but it must be taken farther than the web and be done live.

Full disclosure: David and I talked about this idea a month ago. It’s extremely exciting. I do hope to help in significant ways to further explore the concept and perhaps even help make it a reality.

Excellent article and excellent questions.

Psychiatrist and author of the book Picoeconomics suggests that the ultimate scarce resource in life is the willingness of other people to pay attention to us. New technologies are constantly creating opportunities to engage with things rather than people, or to watch others perform (e.g. YouTube).

Because it is a basic human need for other people to engage with us, pay attention to us, and take us seriously, the failure to have these needs met may prove to be the most serious and enduring mental health problem as we continue to prize technology and digital relationships.

It is my opinion that combining a digital network with opportunities for personal interaction is the best way to meet our needs. I envision community houses all over the world that serve neighborhoods by providing a safe, comfortable, cozy, home-away-from-home community gathering place for those seeking refuge from the demands of today’s always-on, 24/7,
succeed-or-be-left-behind world. These safe houses would be served by digital networks with cell phone interactivity so a community member can stay in touch and engage in impromptu meetings with others in the community.

What do you think?

David